I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
