I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
