I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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