Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize