so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
