guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
wow bdsm is so cute
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