I wish I could punch you in the face.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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