My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
