I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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