I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
