I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize