weddingsv make me drug and hornr
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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