ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
