girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
