I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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