Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I came so hard my ears popped.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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