I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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