Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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