i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
