My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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