there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
