I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
