just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
