She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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