Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i would punch a child for taco bell
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize