Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
