I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
did you just send me my own nude
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize