I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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