why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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