Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I touched a dick in church today
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
