That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Sorry about my life...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
