i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
