i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
