I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
