Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
