You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
