I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
