I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
