so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Randomize
