i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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