i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
