just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
