Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
