So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
