Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
