It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Oh god it's open bar.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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