If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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