Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
