guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Randomize
