i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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