He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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