I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
