if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
