I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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