Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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