It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
