Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
