it was like his penis was on wheels.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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