sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize