While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
