Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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