thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
