I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
