I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Randomize
