Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
