bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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