remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
