You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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