i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
