Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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