Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
