we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
