I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
