My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just blew my weed a kiss
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
